Why Tanzania men do not say sorry when they have done wrong? (20. Jan. 2008)



        Moses is CAG church brother, he led the praise and worship. He sang with eating microphone, and I helped him to put it down, his hand was over my face, and nearly biting me. I was sad and left.

        A few days, my Swahili teacher Jonathan recorded pronunciation for Swahili class. Then he talked with close to microphone, he recorded nothing. Then he did again with 3 cms away from microphone, there were clear voice in the recorder.

       I told my teacher Jonathan who could talk Swahili to brother Moses, then Moses came and talked with me and he said, "he understood my point, he did not say sorry, because the Tanzanian women are low." I was very upset, and I told him, "Look, I am not African women, I have never been born with African women position. If you don't respect women, don't get married."

      After it was a short Masawe, I thought that he was my best friend and turned out not friend at all. What's happened? Let me talk Masawe story.

       Masawe maybe a good person with the short memory. He did not remember what he has said or promised, it has made me struggling all times. I always tell the truth and I speak the fact. But he thought that I did not encourage him. Because I always think that I will be a true friend, I will tell the truth, not lie. In opposite way, Masawe likes the sweat words all time, maybe he is rich, and he has many girls, then he does no know how to choose. It is the short Masawe. I've never known that he is so pride to say, "I am sorry!" He came out the words, "No at all!" I was tired to deal with him any more, so I decided to leave my life without his present.

      Another hand, he did help me a lot, but he has disappointed me many many times, I could not count all. I just wanted to mention some, he told me that I would pick you up with your luggage after church wedding parting. I have waited for a long time, I had the sign of malaria again, I walked kibaka (thief) street Misufini to the church, he was not there. After I threw up and fever. Then Francis came and talked with me, we sat the grass outside church. Then we waited Masawe who came with his car.He did go back to take my luggage as he had promised. But he took directly to Pastor Paul house. I had no clothes to change for sleeping or brushed my teeth. I was coughing all night long.

      Pastor Paul wife gave me the good food to eat. I've had the good time with this family. Masawe promised me and Pastor Paul that it was only one night, tomorrow morning, I would ask Francis to take Rebecca (I) to go to Teddy house and collected her luggage at 9AM. That morning, I waited for Francis who picked me up. It had never happened this way. Masawe told Francis to collect my luggage without me.

        After around noon, Francis came, we had the big argument. And Francis told me that I should learn Tanzanian culture, I needed to have patience about the fruit of spirit. I just felt that they did not respect me or my decisions or my opinions. I forced myself to say thank you very much to Francis. In deepest of my heart, I did not want to say it, I made myself to say it for Christ.

     That day, Masawe promised to take me to check malaria. He and Francis, none of  them showed up later. I was so disappointed for all. I still gave them enough grace.


      After that I moved to Youth Pastor Shadrack house. Masawe listened to Pastor Shadrack to take me to go to hospital and took the blood test and urine test result back and x-ray, because Fransis had gone to capital city Dar Es Salaam that early morning, Pastor Shadrack told me that Fransis would pick me up before the night. The second morning, Pastor Shardrack and his wife went to Dar Es Salaam city around at 6: 30 AM.


       Then Masawe did come late, it was OK for me, less he had showed up for me. After that Masawe took me home, he came with Pastor Paul, they visited me, I felt so touch by them.


      Last week, I  had to go to Day Spring Primary school, and took my two books back. Masawe would come to take Shama (Pastor Shadrack son), Shama aunt Magi and I, he dipped Shama to the school, Magi and I went to Masawe and Pastor Shadrack shops.


     First day, I studied Swahili language in their shop. I went out to fix my watch, when I came back my dictionary had gone, then I found it. The shop keeper lady asked me to give my pen as a gift to her. I said, "No!"


      Then second day, I went to study another shop. Magi marked my Swahili language homework. One shop keeper boy asked me to give him a pen for his school, then the shop keeper lady took my black pen without asking me, I was so upset and culture shock. Magi told this shop keeper lady that it was Rebecca pen, this lady smiled and heard nothing. Then I went to tell this short Masawe, he said, "I shall give every shop keeper the pen as the gift. And I asked, "Why?" He said, "You are a missionary, you are rich." All of them laughed at me. I shouted and went out to take my watch, when I came back, and I took my bag, held my ears and left their shops. I told God; "I have never come their shops again."


      I went home and cried put in the loud voice. In that evening Masawe and Fransis came, I did want to talk with Masawe. But he was overjoyed and said, "Sister Rebecca Sun ...", I ran away to my room. When we ate dinner. He was beside and laughing. He seemed nothing happening of the day time. I left my food, and sent to my room, I was weeping deeply.


       Then Fransis came and brought me dinner, I said, "I can not eat." Then I told him, what was happening in their shop?" But he encourage me to eat firstly, he was going to talk Masawe to say sorry to me.


      After I had waited for three days, he came with happiness. It had nothing to upset hi. And I wrote the letter to him. I massaged Fransis to translate for Masawe, but Masawe refused him to read it, he told me that it was the bad letter, no sorry at all. Pastor Shadrack sister Magi and Fransis read this letter, Fransis thought that it was OK, and Magi thought that it was the polite letter. Why Masawe did not say sorry to me? I mentioned in my letter, I said, "Sorry" and forgave him. But Masawe answered, "I forgive you, but not sorry."


      On Sunday service, he led praise and worship songs, I could not sing in the present of God, I knelt down and faced down with my prayer. I begged God who gave m just, just and just for Masawe. When he led to sing, I knelt down and faced down to pray. I did all tie. Until Imani sang, I could follow him and dance in the presence of God. I enjoyed the time with God. May God soften Masawe heart, and I want to see just done, Amen.


Proverbs 27: 6 Wounds from a friend came be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses. And V 9  ... the pleasantness of one's friend springs from his earnest counsel. and V 17 said, Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.


     Masawe came one evening he told me "Can I say sorry in Swahili?" Sorry in Swahili is samahani, he said to him, "it is too small voice." He said, "Samahani." It was very low, I could not hear it. "Can you speak loudly." He said, "Samahani!"  I had the mercy and let he passed and put everything behind. I move forwards for God.


      God gives me the new friends and the spiritual friends for me. I need the spiritual ones who will teach me or rebuke me sometimes I have done wrong. Give me a forgiving heart as I pray.